Words, Words, Words. It is amazing to me the something that takes so little effort can have a huge effect on everyone. The Bible speaks over and over about the power to bless with our words but

Proverbs 18:21 cuts to the chase with “The tongue has the power of Life and Death.”

I don’t know the source by I remember hearing that humans are the only species that can leave their dead walking having killed them with a word. Ouch!

For some of us whom Words of Affirmation is the primary love language, it is even stronger!

4 ways to figure out if some receives in Words of Affirmation

1) The person who lavishes compliments

2) The person who asks you what you think about something they did (sometimes inadvertently)

3) The person who holds on to negative words from others

4) The person who wonders what people meant by that

Types of Words of Affirmation

-Gratitude Hebrews 10:24 Says “Lets s consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”

-Encouraging Words: We are commanded in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to “Encourage one another and build each other up”

Gary Chapman gives multiple examples of this in the video and the book but starts with the weight loss one. And he is not alone, I have heard that example (going both ways) numerous times. (Really? Can we just for a minute pretend that we have issues, goals and aspirations in our marriages? ) But seriously, the standard encouraging word is dealing with slaying a challenge.

But not all words of Encouragement are tied to a specific venture or challenge. We are told to “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today.” Hebrews 3:13a

I love in the movie The Help the maid said to the kid she cared for every night “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

-Kind Words: Dr. Chapman refers to using Kinds Words in the face of conflict. Using Ephesians 4:32 “Be Kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you” and Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away anger”

-Humble Words: Proverbs 16:24 “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”

How you express any of these words should be humbly! It really boils down to what my mom always said (and probably all of yours said it too), “It isn’t what you say but how you say it”. And that goes for your non-verbal communication too. We all know it but it is just a reminder.

So for those of you whom “Words of Affirmation” are your first language. Help people out! The responsibility can’t always be in someone else’s court.

But for the rest of you…

Chapman recommends you make a list of nice things to say and then say them. I am going to go a step further and recommend that you memorize them. It is always awkward to have someone converse by reading a script;).

He also recommends keeping a list of affirming things you hear or see and use them later. “Danger Will Robinson” Use them with caution…. That can come off so fake in some situations and a big hit in others. If you are using Shakespeare or Mr. Darcy, you may have a win. It will be obvious they are not your words but it will seem like you put effort into searching them out. If you are using some text book affirmation in the office you are going to come off sounding like Michael Scott from The Office. Just make sure it seems genuine and heart felt no matter who you are talking to!

A great way to avoid any awkwardness you are feeling is texts, email, facebook, and notes.! The written word is a great way to communicate. And part of what has been most dear in notes is when someone references a scripture they are praying for or an attribute they feel I am fulfilling.

As many of you know, I live “virtual” life with friends I have never met or only see a couple times a year. Emails, tweets and Facebook posting are our relationships;). When I get a post from a friend that just says thinking about you… My squeezes a little, possibly like the Grinch’s when it was growing, but it makes me smile and feel valued. The kind of valued that makes me want to do stuff for them;).

It really is, to use one of the most over used words of the decade so far, all about being intentional. If keeping a list of coworkers and marking when you make a point of saying something nice, do it. If it is making a point to write your children notes about the things you admire about them and then passing them out over time… what ever works!

In all things (and words) love!

{Over the next 7 weeks I am going to be doing a series on The 5 Love Languages (by Gary Chapman) in my Sunday School class. I decided to share my talks over here. As you may see, it isn’t aimed only at couples or children but all;). Be nice, I am nervous as it is;). }

Love, love is the most desired and most confusing word in the world… It is this ethereal thing we all strive for but seem to have no grasp of. But is it more than that? It is! To steal from DC Talk in the early ’90′s Love is a Verb. Love is an action, a decision, a course.

Many of us have heard of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman over the years as it spread like wild fire through churches and Christian society in the late 1990′s. They are that way we choose to communicate and receive love through actions and words. Usually it discussed with in the relational confines of marriage and children. But love is to go beyond those relationships to all people. In John 13:34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” And in 1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

We are to show love in all relationships. But how do the 5 Love Languages play into it? Well, remember the last time you performed beyond yourself at work? Or had someone go that extra mile? Well, the 5 Love Languages may have factored into that. Not that I am saying they are a manipulation tool by any means but those can be signs of Love Languages being spoken.

The 5 Love Languages are

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

Understanding how people communicate love and appreciation is key to making the most out of relationships in every circumstance! Have you ever had a boss that you just go that extra mile? Have you ever felt someone was ungrateful or taking you for granted? It was probably just different languages;). You give someone so much of your time or gift but they are frustrated? Well, that happens beyond marriages too;).

And this isn’t only about learning how to read other people and how they receive love. How about when you are the one frustrated and they aren’t at all? Do you even know why? That is when knowing your own love language is key too! I know I have struggled with this for years! As frivolous as I feel it might be… While I am very demanding because I like some of all of them;), my primary love language is words of affirmation. In my heart I feel it is frivolous because it is just words but… It is;). Knowing and accepting your love language helps and helps you see others’ more clearly.

So that said as we start this journey. Share around in the comments what you think your love language is. And tell of 1 way you have shown someone love in their Love Language over the holiday (beyond Santa visiting)!

{Over the next 7 weeks I am going to be doing a series on The 5 Love Languages (by Gary Chapman) in my Sunday School class. I decided to share my talks over here. As you may see, it isn’t aimed only at couples or children but all;). Be nice, I am nervous as it is;). }